I have been going through lately.
Emotionally, spiritually and most of all physically.
I’ve been struggling though not due to a lack of prayer.
I’ve never prayed so hard or so much in my life as I have been since embarking this ‘journey’.
Looking through my last few posts, it’s obvious I’ve finally decided to tackle my weight and fitness situation.
I am so out of shape – I mean really.
The thing is, I was pretty fit when I was younger.
I played sports in school and was very athletic as a young adult.
A few years into starting my family that all changed.
I totally abandoned my fitness and basically got very sedentary. I devoted my life to my children, my childcare business and not much else.
I was also diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder shortly after all this and really began to pack on the pounds from the meds they were giving me (more on this in another post later). My life began to feel as if it was spiraling out of control.
I eventually got off the meds and began treating my issues herbal and with diet – but I still was eating way too much, not combining the right foods for my body and had no consistent exercise program happening.
After a car accident, surgery, and rehab from surgery, I finally began to get interested in a healthier lifestyle again – go figure!
I began getting serious about yoga, seeing that it helped me to heal from my injuries – but my eating still wasn’t under control. My practice wasn’t either.
At one point I was practicing daily for 30-45mins, but that all stopped when I started working again.
Then it got to the point where I was just doing it when I found the time or when I felt like doing it!
Outside of my personal little bubble, life was happening and in this time, I lost my father to cancer, lost my mother, my uncle died from ALS, lost my aunt (also to cancer) and my grandmother. Losing my father hit me the hardest and losing my mother hit me harder than I realize.
After losing over 40lbs, I gained nearly ALL OF IT BACK. Grief is a hell of a thing!
I was smoking weed and drinking very heavily – which I had been almost this entire time.
Losing family members from cancer and linking their lifestyles to one similar to mine was really a wake up call for me.
I eventually quit drinking, quit smoking and began to try to eat a little cleaner – it was a struggle for me seeing that I had nearly 2 decades worth of old issues with food.
One may think, how in the hell can you be a life and wellness coach with such an unhealthy lifestyle yourself?
Simple. I know what to do and I knew how to tell others to do it, I just was feeling too low about myself to put it into practice in my own life.
I was a walking, talking hypocrite!
By the end of 2017, I decided to change all that and get my life together.
I stopped taking clients and vowed to become my own client.
It was a slow process but I knew I had to deal with my issues one at a time.
The first was alcohol and weed.
I had to dig deep and uncover the issues that lead me to abuse my body the way that I was.
I uncovered issues stemming all the way back to childhood which included sexual and physical abuse among other things.
Once I had the courage to begin addressing those issues, I knew I was ready to address more.
Into the new year I began adjusting my diet, and this spring I am focusing on my fitness.
This has been a complete overhaul on my life style – from top to bottom.
I plan on blogging it all – even stuff that makes me look crazy like my previous post about not being able to lose the weight.
I was having a tough day that day.
This blog didn’t start out as a ‘fitness journey’ or ‘weight loss blog’ and I’m not turning it into one but – this is my life right now and I don’t know what else to do but share it.